The other night I was out adventuring with a friend and talking about married life. In the midst of our conversation she asked me something that no one had:
“If you could go back in time before you were married, what would you tell yourself that you know now?”
The question kind of caught me off guard but I tried to answer it the best I could. Today though, I feel now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I’d like to elaborate on my previous response. So, this post is for you my beautiful friend- here’s the letter I would send back in time to myself if I could;
March 29, 2013
Congratulations on your engagement! I know the journey it took for you to get here was everything but easy but you should be proud of this decision to move into the next chapter of your life. As you can probably guess, the next five months of your life is going to turn into decision making, preparing, creating, planning and most of all… waiting. During this time don’t forget, a wedding is a beautiful day but a marriage is forever. Use this season of being engaged to invest into “forever”- prepare for the day after the wedding day. A marriage is what this is all about isn’t it? On the other hand though, when you get home from your honeymoon and you realize all the things you don’t know how to do, remind yourself that “forever” is a lot to prepare for. Give yourself a break, take a breath and call your mom. She will always know the answer.
Every day will turn into a relentless battle with selfishness. Up until this point, you’ve only ever had to think about yourself! Make decisions slowly; remember that your time and energy are not only yours so be purposeful. Look forward to the future because I promise it does get easier. Coordinating two people as one will become more natural. Try and dwell on the good moments and times when you get it right- these are the only times worth holding onto.
Remember that just because your growing up doesn’t mean you have to be a grown up. A house isn’t a home until you sit on the counters or dance on the table. Make forts in the living room and have sleepovers. Don’t wash the dishes after dinner- save them for later just because you can. Put every colour in your closet on at the same time and make him take you to dinner. There is always time in your day for something “awesome” no matter what your schedule is like.
Once you’re moved out and set up, there is going to be a lot of pressure to make money, get school finished and start your career. These things are very important but don’t let it control you. Make time for each other and for friends and family. Make time for meaningful conversation and questions. Do something every day to be after his heart. I know you’re thinking right now that you couldn’t know this man better then you do right now but trust me, there are many mysteries to be solved. Invest your time into the things that truly matter- in time you’ll figure out what that looks like.
Once in a while, plan a girls day! Go out with friends and have girl time. Remember what it’s like to miss him. You will appreciate his presence so much more when he’s been gone even for a little while.
Most of all remember you can do this. Take the encouraging things people say in this time and forget the negative. Be wise about whos opinion you hang onto. There probably isn’t a “right” way to head into the biggest decision and change in your life this far. When you wake up every morning chose love above everything else and without even thinking about it everything else will fall into place.
All my love,